Where is the most Conservative state?

After a life of watching tv, typing on Y/A, out babies like a giant lawn sprinkler; I want to retire to a state that is still pro american. And by that I mean god fearing, no liberal college educated people, with country clubs for people like me, and preferably much more rural and "real". What state in this country can I go to and still find "the good ole days", where I can sit in my rocker on the front porch, shotgun in hand, whistling "onward christian soldiers", while drying my white sheets in the breeze on a good christian sunny day?